“A dog snot latte please”, said the voice in my spectacles case. As you can tell, this was no ordinary day. I’d been visited by none other that the King of Sherwood Forest, the Rt Reverend Oliver Clothesoff.

Before I could even utter a reply, my left eye fell out onto my high heeled sneakers and I was left in a quandary about how best to break off my engagement to the albatross beak I use to stir my coffee.

Never let it be said that I refuse to shave before kissing a woman on the elbow. I have always observed the highest levels of decorum when it comes to matters of bony protuberances.

On a final note it’s always a pleasure to see the cast of Prisoner Cell Block H reunited for a binge drinking weekend on the Costa Fortuna, or something.