It’s usually just after midnight when I first get the urge to use Lego to download my hippopotamus into the fridge. It never ceases to amaze me that with one megabit of cheese the moon always shines jagged on a bus full of German linebackers.

In the end the giant Lego cricket bat came in useful for stirring the soup and I couldn’t help but notice the chisel in the rock face. I spent the best part of an hour laughing at all the newspapers piled up in my fountain and I knew it was the right time to ask Lego star wars characters to come to dinner.

On the menu was roast wicker chairs, with mashed brick dust, and green toothpaste. For dessert we smeared our windshield with origami button holes and ran to the local barge doctor.

The Lego got everywhere until we finally managed to read the small print on a box of frogs.

That was one mad Lego insect repellant, I can tell you.