When the sky has fallen in and Chicken Little is running around like a headless lawyer you instantly reach for your cordless drill. There’s really nothing you can do about it when the radar is making brick noises. All you can do is cordless drill the living daylights out of your microphone stand.

Let me make my position on this subject clear: It’s not the duck with one leg who’s driving the reptile, it’s the birthmark on my door handle.

I have much more to say on the subject of life coaches who turn evil but for now I’m just going to paint goldfish.