BeingSilly.com

Eating sawdust is much less fun than it seems. I mean, sure, it looks like something astronauts might do while they’re playing hopscotch on the surface of the congealed custard, but believe me when I tell you it’s a chore.
Don’t even go there girlfriend.
You may well have an opinion on the subject of old duck’s [...]

“A dog snot latte please”, said the voice in my spectacles case. As you can tell, this was no ordinary day. I’d been visited by none other that the King of Sherwood Forest, the Rt Reverend Oliver Clothesoff.
Before I could even utter a reply, my left eye fell out onto my high heeled sneakers and [...]

It was first thing this morning when I first saw that pumpkins had taken over my lawn furniture. They had marched on there with rifles and tweezers quoting Tolstoy. What happened next is something of a mystery but somehow they stole all the money out of my wallet and bought KFC for all my neighbors.
Fortunately [...]

When the sky has fallen in and Chicken Little is running around like a headless lawyer you instantly reach for your cordless drill. There’s really nothing you can do about it when the radar is making brick noises. All you can do is cordless drill the living daylights out of your microphone stand.
Let me make [...]

Don’t look into the light when elves are at the controls of a motorised toothpick. If you do, then I can only offer you this advice: Remote controls are usually made of diamonds, and so they’re dishwasher safe.
What are the chances of an alien eating Gorgonzola cheese with adjustable wrenches? Whenever I’ve been present in [...]

It’s usually just after midnight when I first get the urge to use Lego to download my hippopotamus into the fridge. It never ceases to amaze me that with one megabit of cheese the moon always shines jagged on a bus full of German linebackers.
In the end the giant Lego cricket bat came in useful [...]

Whenever I see flashing neon mushrooms I feel like my head is about to take a midget prisoner on a wild ride in a juice monkey. My headache comes back when I wash the dishes and lick the gravel up from the internet. Headaches can be a real turning point in the daily routine of [...]

It’s never cool when the grass in your socks grows higher than a duck’s cuff-links. What you really need is a frying pan to help you balance work and home life. It’s essential to resist the temptation to walk the goldfish in the library next to the big stack of alien dung.
A frying pan can [...]

Silly Billy Big Bollocks
Sitting In The Sun
Got Burnt On His Scrotum
And Burnt On His Bum

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